Jason Paul Smith | Director • Producer • Writer: 2005

It has been a while

It's been a while
by me

it's been a while that i have spoke
about my truths it's time to poke

the job is normal, bad as hell
or is it me filling my well

the film is moving very fast
it's fun to learn about the past

but than sometimes, i need to stop
before my head begins to pop

so i sit at home with my cute guy
we make our dinner and wonder why

we work so hard at stupid things
and dream of more career flight wings

but there has been a major major change
we're doing the work we have found the range

between the artist child inside
and the major block we've tried to hide

but to hide the block is not the answer
we should face the thing as if it's cancer

the blockage killer the radiation
is to begin the process of creation

a simple poem like this that's bad
will prevent the child from going mad

Me at work

Little boxes made of ticky-tacky

I have my new song for the moment...
Little boxes, the lyrics are attached.
This is how I feel right now.
I am a circle in a world of little boxes.

I have to finish my Miss Piggy post today. I will try to remember - anyway - check this song out on itunes - very simple - yet very apropo (sp?).

1. Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

2. And the people in the houses
All go to the university,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
And there's doctors and there's lawyers
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

3. And they all play on the golf-course,
And drink their Martini dry,
And they all have pretty children,
And the children go to school.
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
And they all get put in boxes
And they all come out the same.

4. And the boys go into business,
And marry, and raise a family,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

BOSS PTO UPDATE

I am going to start keeping a BOSS PTO Calendar

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Monday, July 25, 2005

Boss emailed that he will be out of the office all day. He is seeing the doctor "today as she wants to do some tests on my proboscis."

No More Boss Patrol

ok - so I am removing all of mention of my job - check this link out and be careful.

Miss Piggy is Back

If I told the truth, I would have to tell you about my obsession with Miss Piggy. I don't remember when or why it started, but as a child, I was a Miss Piggy fan. Obsessed is the only way to describe my child infatuation with the female piggy.

On my fifth birthday, I had the chicken pox. It was horrible. And than she arrived, in a big wrapped package with a blue bow. - to be continued - I am at work...

It's now august

Monday morning is very sad
I wake up early already mad
Dreading the work to come ahead
Typing memos my fingers lead
All my knowledge slipping away
The brain cells dying more each day
I have wanted for sometime
To work a job

Julia Roberts on Broadway

Well, my dream has come true. Julia Roberts is going to star on Broadway. Okay. That's not really my dream - but it's fun to think about. I would love to go to New York and see her. Hurrah!

On another note, Rob and I watched the the 16th annual GLAAD Awards on Logo last night. It was hysterical. Liza Minnelli sang! It was so fun! She is crazy, weird, and brilliant.

Off the GLAAD Website:

Accompanied by Tony Award-winning lyricist and composer Marc Shaiman, Minnelli performed "What Makes a Man a Man" - a song written by Charles Aznavour in 1972. "This is a song by Charles Aznavour. He wrote it a long time ago. In fact, I've been singing it for the past 15 years all over the world," Minnelli said. "It's a beautiful song and it also reminds us just how far we've come, thanks in great part to GLAAD."

Tonight, we are going for happy hour with some work folks over to the Hard Rock Cafe/Hotel. And than to the Millenium Park Outdoor Theater to hear some Broadway Divas: Jan Horvath, Jodi Benson and Debbie Gravitte. It will be fun.

Work Update

Ok - so i know i was out sick today. My allergies are bad. My boss was also out today - migraine. no calls.

The Boss Log:

===========================

The boss log:

Out today - with the trifecta - to quote my coworker - of reasons -
1.) Dentist appointment
2.) Follow up with dermatologist
3.) No electric at his house

Tuesday is better than Monday

So I am at working. Suppose to be learning how to do this data entry stuff. Yuck! Not my thing...is this why I went to college and put in my self 25,000 in debt - for a 13 bucks an hour - ahhhhhh.

I think I am going to join the New Town Writers Workshop thang - sounds good to me - check out their website:

http://www.newtownwriters.org

So nobody is responding to my blog - maybe i suck - ok - i know i do - i am a need queen - give me feedback please. tell me you love me, tell me i suck - anything, anyone please please please.......

Back to Work

I am back at work
was gone a week

so not a jerk
i need time to seek

a job to love
and make me happy

a peaceful dove
i know it's sappy

======================

Yeah Yeah Yeah - so stupid. So, I am back at work - having been out of the office all last week working on this documentary. It was a great week - got a lot done. It was a very draining week, though. It was weird being back in Minneapolis. Seeing all of my friends was really amazing - but just being in that environment/city again sure made me realize why we moved to Chicago. There is a sense of relief being back here. Back at work though, not so great. We have had so many people giving there notice - two more are coming - and my boss is out again today.

Ok - so I am proud - do I need to go

So this weekend was Gay Pride 2005 in Chicago. Talk about lame. We went to the festival on Saturday and I was so let down. Where did all our joy go? If there is such a thing as a gay community, than they have nothing to be proud of. I wanna see everyone represented at the pride festival.

I was so disappointed that we didn't even go to the parade. Maybe there is no need for a festival/parade etc. Maybe we have evolved enough that now we should hold something else.

Watched "The Comeback" and "Queer as Folk" last night. Lisa Kudrow was again brilliant. I love her performance. So subtle and eloquent. QAF is getting good again. I really like the places they are taking the characters - finally after two really weak seasons. I think had they kept the show at this pace, it could hold out for another few seasons. I like the complexity.

Marching feet
To feel the pride
Pounding beat
our community wide

400,000 crying out
is that their scream
why do they shout

Pearl the sequel

Okay - so here is the update on pearl

Remember pearl
you know the girl
the one who screams
my boss is mean

well she got a job
away from bob
new office to go to
her new place is moto

although i'm happy
that she is free
it may be sappy
like a bumblebee

but pearl I will miss
when she goes
who will I diss
with i don't know

with six days to go
she is a glow
she now says no
i've gotta blow

Here a little there a little

It's the Thursday before pride. I have been think about what this all means. It's so weird to me. I am glad we have this opportunity to share in our community. People hate that word - community. I have heard people say what community. So I was curious and looked it up:

com·mu·ni·ty ( P ) Pronunciation Key (k-myn-t)
n. pl. com·mu·ni·ties

A group of people living in the same locality and under the same government.
The district or locality in which such a group lives.

A group of people having common interests: the scientific community; the international business community.
A group viewed as forming a distinct segment of society: the gay community; the community of color.

Similarity or identity: a community of interests.
Sharing, participation, and fellowship.
Society as a whole; the public.

This will be my first gay pride in Chicago. I am hoping for a really impressive display of our diverse community.

I have been wondering as of late why being gay is such a weird thing.

For one thing, our country is so divided on the issue. The fact that people even debate whether it's ok or not. What psychological damage is being done, when half of the population thinks you are satan returning to destroy the earth. They always talk about sex acts. But most people I know, gay or straight, don't define themselves by what they do in the bedroom. Homosexuality has so little to do with the act itself. It's about everything else. The ironic thing about all this is most gay people I know, including myself, are so in tune with other people's feelings. I think you have to be to survive the coming out process.

Bored at work, but at least it's not the good old stagecoach

I long to write
but nothing comes
My nails I bite
and pick my gums

To wait and wait
that is the game
is it too late
is this poem lame

what's it about
why do i rhyme
my boss is out
i've got the time

to illustrate
my jumbled thoughts
stored in a crate
my dreams and wants

and there is a day
the path appears
i see the way
i'll cry no tears

no more starvation
creation heeds
no masterbation
corporate greed

Step One, Step Two,

Michael Jackson is free. Let us all hope that he really is innocent of the crimes. The real crime is that this little boy's mother would put her child in that situation. What kind of parent allows their children to be near someone who they think may be a pedaphile? It's sick.

All this talk of Michael Jackson makes me thinks of his video for Bad. Which than reminds me of Weird Al's version called Fat.

Because, I'm fat I'm fat
ham on whole wheat all right...

Last night, we took a walk.
10 blocks, I need to get off my big "FAT" ass
I wanna shrink way down - so I don't have to associate with that song -

a poem for the day

step one
get off the floor
and open the door
full of pep
take the first step

no - this poem sucks - maybe tomorrow....

Now that I have cable, I started watching the show "The Comeback" with Lisa Kudrow. It's really amazing. What would normally be a very scary concept, works beautifully with Kudrow. Incredible writing, editing (although if you are prone to motion sickness - be warned - the reality camera work made me nauseaous)

Moving and weight loss

Well, we have moved to our new condo. At least we are close. We have so much crap. It must be a metiphor for something. What am I caring around? Why do I bringing every pleace I live? This week, we are going to go through all of our stuff and get rid of more. I want this home to be filled with only the things that we love.

Moving Poem

I spend the weekend on the move
And lifted boxed to the groove
of donna summer - I'm a fairy
Into our new home i did carry

the energy is very good
i like colors and the wood
windows made with leaded glass
so light is coming out your ass

my home it is though strange to say
i felt it from the very first day
and that's the story about my move
like art at home inside the louvre

Mr. Michael

Mr. Michael was his name
People cried "your kinda lame"
He was short and fat
For all day he just sat

Another adult children's book....

I am enjoying writing this series of fairy tales for adults:

My heart beats strong
This head is clear
I was not wrong
I should not fear

The day is passing
The night is still
No one's harrassing
I found the will

There was a day
twelve years ago
that i would pray
just to know

the day could pass
the night could still
without the gas
i climbed the hill

the spit would fly
the fists did soar
there was no cry
i would not roar

the hill was steep
it rose and rose
i did not creep
i did not dose

and at the peak
the sun was setting
what did i seek
what was i getting

and than i saw it
plan as day
my past did fit
i'd found the way

i was climbing
from myself
no more mining
i held the wealth

My heart beats strong
This head is clear
I was not wrong
I should not fear

why should they even talk about it? It was one date, nobody needs to be jumping up and down about anything yet. too soon. if they become serious, and

Right now I am sitting at the receptionist's desk answering the phone. The office next door is painting - it smells like a can of paint - yuck. When i was typing the subject of this entry this just popped in!! I have no idea what it means but I like it!!!

There was this girl
let's call her pearl
she screams at work
"my boss the jerk"

At nine we smoke
she'd laugh and joke
To help the day
feel a okay

She'd Bitch about
her work amount
in life's big map
her job was crap

yet every day
poor pearl would pray
to ask for hope
she'd leave the dope

At half past four
he'd close the door
to clip his nail
and read the mail

pearl would smile
as she's compile
her clever plot
to leave the lot

and what's the tale?
her holy grail?
with a giant heave
our pearl took leave

our friend did well
she left her hell
she was no bore
she bought a store

a magic place
she did embrace
the mystery cooks
but now in books

that is that story
in all it's glory
about my friend
that's it the end

A Poem about Working

I wrote this poem two summers ago about my horrible corporate job as an event planner for a financial company.

Sometimes, I wake from sleep at 2:00
with this heart of mine so heavy and blue.
I stand up straight and feel the floor
It's cold and hard like my dull roar.
I stare and dream until the hour
when it's time for me to take a shower.
Today, again, I crossed the line
to my crappy job that I say is fine.
My boss, she's strange, an empty shell
of the woman she was before this hell
An opera gal of twenty years
with a voice that brought grown men to tears
The other folks are not complex
they know three nouns, a verb, and one dark hex
And in my cubicle I sit
between the bots who shit on wit
They glare and stare wearing a snear
It's me the loud and brave they fear.
That's when I remember a simple tale
A dream I had of a tall, gay male
Who left that job when the time was right
and forever more slept through the night.

DAY JOB, DAY JOB, HELP HELP HELP

day job, day job, help, help, help
i walk to work without a yelp
get off the train at five to eight
rush to my desk i can not wait

day job, day job, why, why, why
you drain my heart i start to cry
to create, is my big wish
a final script about a fish

day job, day job, kill kill kill
it's hard to stay and find the will
but yet again i will awake
at 6 am a shower to take

day job, day job, bye, bye, bye
soon one day i have to try
at 9 am i will wake up
to write that script and and pour a cup

Technology

Ok I am blogging from my phone technology rocks
Sent via BlackBerry from Cingular Wireless

Confession for May 26, 2005

The complete title of this blog is "If I Told the Truth: Confessions of an Overweight Chain Smoking, Fairy".

I guess it's time to confess the why I eat. I used to say it was because I like food. Or that I really don't eat that much. These things are all lies. Big fat lies. Oprah Winfrey asks us to figure out why we eat. ANd the other day I had a major break through. I eat to protect myself. I have control of it. I also think I use it to hide from people. I have always been afraid of the sucrinty of others. Growing up in a small town, people tend to always be in your business.

But what I realized is this, straight people get to learn how to handle sexual energy in junior high and high school. They learn what it's like to have people hit on you and find you attractive. They learn what it's like to handle sexual power. For me, coming out when I did, in college, I never learned how to handle that kind of energy. I was thrust into a very preditory world and because I was thin, tall, dark, and young, I was a target of a lot of sexual attention. I just could handle it. I withdrew from the gay community, befriended mostly straight women, and surrounded myself with people who didn't hold any sexual desire. Sex became a dark and scary thing.

So I used food as a protection, and a friend to hide my fear. To this day, while I am in a great relationship, I am still terribly uncomfortable with the attention of strange men. It frightens me.

I am hoping that through understanding this I will be able to stop the cycle of eating out of emotional fear.

jason

jason
Originally uploaded by jasonpsmith.

It's me

Back to the Blog

Well, it's been a while. Of course, it always is. I am such a bad journaler? Ok so. still 290 million pounds. I hate it. But, we have started eating better foods and foods that are organic. I just got Sirius Radio! Hurrah. I still don't have a full-time job - Which might mean, that I am not suppose to go that angle. I need to focus on creating some great work. Check out the theater company I am forming www.threecattheater.com. It's a great site, still in progress. OK. I am going to try and right more often. Wish me luck. Check out Derek and Romaine. Great site.